My birthday this year made me feel profoudly grateful for my wonderful friends – new and old – who sent me cards and gifts, or drew awesome pictures, or sent me messages or sang songs to my voicemail. It all reminds me that I’m not alone, that people understand me, that people are thinking of me and care. As someone who suffers from anxiety and has struggled with depression in the past that is an incredibly powerful feeling.
I tend to see birthdays as basically an an excuse to take days off work to do absolutely nothing and act ridiculously. Well, ok, I often act ridiculously but birthdays allow you to act ridiculously without the added side-eye that you get when you’re nearly 40 and acting ridiculously on a day to day basis. Birthdays are a free pass for excessive cake eating, lie-ins, duvet fort huddling, staying-up-all-nighting and it’s a great way to get people to play silly games with you.
Unfortunately my birthday fell mid-week this year, and I had to work. This rather cockblocked (cakeblocked?) any hedonistic and/or lazy plans. So I decided to implement the concept of UNICORN Birthdays. A UNICORN Birthday is the birthday that happens on the Saturday before when your Human Birthday falls midweek. I would strongly encourage you all to have your own UNICORN Birthday, because I have to say it was significantly more fun than a Human Birthday.
Here are my recommendations for a successful UNICORN Birthday
1 – Dress appropriately
2 – Eat cake until you explode.
This cake was the work of Hillman’s Tea Room who I cannot recommend enough. There was so much food that I was still eating the leftovers on my Human Birthday.
3 – HAVE ALL THE FUN.
I am not even joking, this place opened near my house about 2 weeks ago and it’s quite possibly one of the most exciting things to happen ever. EVER. Seriously. Dinosaur Crazy Golf. DINOSAUR crazy golf. DINOSAUR CRAZY golf. I want to go EVERY DAY.
It turns out I am absolutely terrible at golf, and so are most of my friends. But who cares. DINOSAURS! We were the only group of adults there and were by far the worst players. At one point I got my ball (fnar) stuck under a ledge which meant the only way to play it was to lie on the floor and use my golf club like a snooker cue. At the last hole I managed to hit the ball under a small net, over some water, where it hit a rock and shot halfway up the side of a Spinosaurus. I actually got a bit of a telling off from a staff member who’d assumed I’d tried to hit it *over* the net. I told him that I am highly skilled at being terrible at crazy golf and that should get extra points for being creatively terrible. The member of staff wasn’t convinced.
4 – Stay up past your bedtime.
In fact, stay up all night because then Sunday is technically still Saturday and therefore STILL YOUR UNICORN BIRTHDAY and you can carry on dressing appropriately, eating cake and having fun until you collapse of AWESOMENESS. Or fatigue, whichever happens first.
You may think that this looks more like a DINOSAUR Birthday than a UNICORN Birthday, but you would be wrong. A DINOSAUR Birthday is is the birthday that happens on the Saturday after when your Human Birthday falls midweek. Therefore my Dinosaur Birthday is tomorrow…