Consent: Not actually that complicated – Animated!

CONSENTanimated

tea

A bonus blog day for a Friday, partly because I am away this weekend and don’t know if I’ll be able to have blogday as usual this weekend, and partly because I have been sent this awesome animation by Blue Seat Studios of my blog about tea and consent.

I hope you enjoy this as much as I did!

I absolutely love how simple the animation is, and that they kept it gender neutral.

There’s a common rhetoric that suggests that it’s always men making the tea and women drinking it, which is hugely harmful to people’s sexuality and to notions of consent within same sex relationships. It buys into a narrative which denies male rape – by both men and women. It buys into a myth that women aren’t sexual beings. It buys into the myth that men always want sex, or that an erection is consent. An erection is no more consent than a woman being drunk and unconscious is. As pretty much every teenage boy  ever discovers during puberty, male bodies can react in physical ways without reference to emotional desire. Erections can happen on their own, or in response to physical stimuli even if the man doesn’t actually want it to happen. In short, just because it’s up, doesn’t mean he’s up for it.

Reducing consent to [men asking / women accepting] also erases gay sexuality- where consent is obviously just as important. Men who do men need to make sure they are both up for what they’re doing. Women who do women need to make sure they’re both up for what they’re doing. And while you’re mid-coitus, if you’re engaging in different acts, you need to keep checking in that your partner (assuming you’re not super familiar with them already, that is) is comfortable. Or, to use the tea analogy, if you’ve both been drinking Rooibos, don’t suddenly hand them an Assam without telling them, or checking that they’re cool with Assam.

This is why I deliberately wrote the original blog  to be gender neutral, as consent affects all genders, all sexualities, all kinks, all activities. I love that the animation kept that neutrality.

Also I love they kept the swearing because seeing stick figures swearing is totally hilarious.

Edit 15th May 2015 – people have asked for a swearing free version for use with younger children – here it is :)


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Creative Commons License
Tea Consent by RockstarDinosaurPiratePrincess is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International License.
Based on a work at http://rockstardinosaurpirateprincess.com/2015/03/02/consent-not-actually-that-complicated/.

RDPP

23 comments

  1. Reblogged this on Lynn's Scribblings and commented:
    I wonder if people who profess not to understand this actually understand it perfectly well but just choose to ignore it since it would result in them not getting what they want.

  2. Please Please PLEASE make a version of this without the f-bombs! I really don’t care, but this would be so perfect for a HS health class, and you know how stodgy some folks can get. I’m totally showing all of my teens

    1. I don’t think ice cream works the same, and that tea works just as well for young people, especially if we’re talking pre-aged of consent children. I very much disliked the articles that linked to my blog suggesting that using ice cream instead of tea worked for kids.

      1. I really agree with this. Because there is a context where someone shoving unwanted ice cream in your face is funny or even desirable. There is no scenario where I want hot tea forcibly poured down my throat.

        But you do have to consider, RDPP, that in America, tea has a slightly different context. It’s not an everyday drink (unless you’re kinda hipster). Most people only drink it on special occasions or in certain settings. I personally think this context just makes the metaphor relate more appropriately to what sex should be. But there are many Americans who might interpret the use of tea as too unorthodox for the conversation. Just an FYI.

  3. Ok. What if you ask someone if they want some tea and they say no, but you go and make some anyways. Then you bring them tea and they say no thanks. But you cajole and manipulate until the person picks up the tea themselves and drinks it. Do you think that is consent?

    Honest question. Not baiting.

    1. I’m 54. In my youth, what you describe here would be called persistance and a part of the hunt and chase that was perceived to be the norm. Now, I’m afraid, it would be considered a “microagression” and you would be accused of sexual misconduct because you didn’t accept the initial rejection even though you thought it was your charm that finally got you in the game. It may have been but if the other person changes the mind after the act, you’re screwed.

      1. But I want to know if people think that’s right or not. I’m really torn. Because according to the metaphor, the person did go make the tea, even when told not to. But at the same time, the other person did choose to drink the tea. I definitely say something is wrong in this situation, but I’m not exactly sure what.

    2. If you make the tea when they say no, you’re being a jerk. If you are cajoling and manipulating, to wear down their defenses, you’re being a bigger jerk. If this is sex and not tea, you are a rapist.

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